always willing.

The youth pastor at my church, who is also a great friend of mine, gave me very encouraging words today:

"We aren't training high school kids and college students be leaders of this church...we're training them to be leaders."

There have been way too many things going around me. Things I find out about my close friends, recent deaths, ministries that need help, and just some things I might not even completely understand. I am surprisingly not overwhelmed by it all. I wish I could be there for everyone in an instant moment to tend to their needs....but I'm not a superhero. At a time like this I find myself asking the most generic, Christian question...What would Jesus do?

I have always loved and cared for the people I worshipped with and worked with since 2008. These people have not just been co-worshippers, co-servers, and co-leaders, but they have been loving and caring friends to me knowing that I am imperfect, I have hurt them, and I am stubborn. Leaving where I am definitely won't be hard if I am called to be somewhere else. Then again...it won't be too easy knowing I will be criticized and judged. I already hear the bombardment of questions and discouraging comments....

I've been meaning to do some exploring. I've got this sudden desire in my heart to dive into a different place....a place where I might be of a good fit. Do I fit where I am now? I'm not saying I don't...I know that I was called to do the work of God in the place I grew up in...of course. But...I'm older now. I am capable of more things. There are friends I have in other churches (deep in ministry) who aren't as spoiled as we are. I know, most of the time, who needs help when I see it. Knowing my capabilities and desire to do work for God, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't help. It nearly saddens me to see how blessed I am to be where I am presently but seeing others in near-dire need of help and support to grow. There has been a knocking on my heart with this desire for helping everyone and this desire to be in ministry (mainly music and/or youth). I know that God can and will do amazing things through me and the ministries I'm called to and put my heart into. 

I thank God for giving me a heart that is willing to pour love, care, and generosity to my loved ones. I know that I am not capable of everything and with my imperfections I will not able to help everyone around me. However, I am always willing.


I trust that God puts desires in my heart for reasons. I trust that He has great plans for me. I trust God with complete control over my life and if it's meant to be....God will let it happen.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

cultural resilience.

My spring break journey began with my Hurricane and Rebirth class after finally landing on New Orleans grounds at 9 in the morning. The exhaustion and hunger from the early morning 4 AM flight kicked in while we exited Gate D3 and then retrieved our baggages. My stomach started to turn because I always feared that airport staff would put my belongings onto the wrong plane, but I ended up getting my big, black luggage within a few minutes and no hassle. When we exited the airport and caught our first breath of New Orleans air, we organized ourselves into random groups to catch cabs and head down to our temporary home. It was hot...the humidity overwhelmed me because I had on a black hoodie and wore a flannel over that, which weren’t enough layers to keep me warm back in New Jersey. We hopped on a big white van with “Limousine Service” imprinted on the windows with a phone number. The driver, a tall black man with a heavy New Orleans accent, helped load our bags and luggage into the b...
Read more

The 6th Summer

My full size bed  should feel so much emptier, more spacious with the distance between us. I should be missing everything  about your lips. They way they they tasted, they way the looked,  the way they revealed your pearly whites whenever you gave me your perfect, entrancing smile. I should want you here, next to me. Whether it’s in the passenger seat watching me sing and dance along to Earth, Wind, and Fire or sitting in the seat next to me at AMC watching Jay Gatsby throw the biggest party.... I should want you here. I should miss your dyed hair, the way it shone  in the summer's sun, and  the flowery, sweet fragrance it had after I waited so long for you to get out of the shower. I should miss  the simplicity of walks in the park, hand in hand, wondering what kind of lunch or dinner to eat. Your bright brown eyes, should keep me captivated. They should hold me down and charm me  into a state of weakness. When the tears puff your eyes, when the...
Read more

just grow

"who you are in high school is not who you will be in college and who you are in college is not who you will be when you are 30. when you accept that you are malleable and ever-changing, you will be less resistant to new ways of thinking and being and you will grow into the beautiful person you are meant to become. resist the urge to remain stagnant. there are always things to learn about the world and yourself. let yourself learn them."
Read more